Posts Tagged ‘women’

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You Are Where You Are, and You’re Moving Up

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

by Kathy Caprino, M.A.

I’ve had some very interesting revelations this week about my business as it is today, and about those individuals with whom I resonate best and most, and where I dream to take my work in the next five years.

Here’s what I realized:

1) I am where I am – that feels good

After an 18-year corporate career that was outwardly very “successful” but inwardly a very deep and long-lasting struggle, I spent eight years reinventing and transformed to a new professional identity I love.  I then became an “expert” and advocate of women’s reinvention, because that’s exactly what I’d done well -  breaking through the 12 “hidden” crises working women face today, and reclaiming my life.  I conducted a national research study with over 100 women to learn more about how to break through crisis and transform, and I wrote a book about it to help others do the same.  It’s been all about breaking through.

2) But now I want to go somewhere else – and that feels better

Now, however, I want something else, something more than breakthrough, to offer others.  I consider myself “successful” both inwardly and outwardly, but now I am committed to ABUNDANT success – tremendous, free-flying, fantastic success (in key dimensions that matter to me) that blows my socks off with joy, fulfillment and empowerment.  I’m committed to creating a fantastically successful life and career.  I have new dreams – clear, crisp, and shiny.

To create/achieve that, I need more – more of myself, more knowledge, more insight, more strength, more energy, more perspective, more focus, and more risk.  To access that in myself, I’m doing what I love best to inspire me, yet again.  I’m reaching out to women I admire deeply - those who consider themselves abundantly success on their terms – and I’m learning from them.  I’ve found there are no better teachers than those you respect and admire who are doing what you’d like to, how you’d like to do it.

This week, I launched a new national research study Women Succeeding Abundantly – How and Why They Do It, and already, after just two interviews – Shama Kabani and Janet Hanson  –  my socks have been blown off.  Why?  Because what I expect to hear from folks who’ve achieved something that I admire, is never what I end up hearing and learning.  It’s all very new and different from what I assumed.  (Stay tuned for more on these powerful interviews).

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister when she was in high school and I in middle school.  She was imparting to me her pearls of wisdom about dating and popularity, and told me that where people stood in the dating pool resembled being on a rung of a big, universal ladder – you are where you are, but you want to date someone who is one rung higher than you (that’s the dream anyway).  And you don’t want to go down a rung on your ladder!

Funny, I feel like I’m on a ladder – not one about popularity or “hierarchy” but an “energetic” ladder representing where I am and where I want to go.  I’m standing on my rung, arms outstretched, reaching toward my next rung – my future self — and am looking up, smiling and breathless.  I’m seeing on this rung other tremendously successful and empowered women who have carved out a BIG life on their terms, and are loving it and making it work abundantly. 

These women are having fantastic success in the key aspects of their lives that they care most about – whether that’s family, home, personal, professional, financial, relationships, well-being, creativity, intimacy, contribution  – you name it, they’re doing it.  These women don’t subscribe to the notion that they can’t have it all – they simply don’t see it that way.  They believe in choosing to commit to the areas that mean the world to them, and then they going after these goals/outcomes with boundless gusto and commitment.

The lesson for me in all of this is – At any given moment, each of us is vibrating at certain energetic “level” that brings to us and creates in our lives exactly what we’re ready for, deep-down.  But then – suddenly and inexplicably — we want more and we want different, and we’re ready to create it.

So it’s time.  I want to step up to the next rung of the ladder of my life, to create abundant success.  I’m ready for the chin-up.  Are you?  Yes!!  Please come up with me!

Question of the week: What do you feel you’re ready for now – what’s your next “rung?”  What do you see for yourself and your life when you step onto that rung?  And will you commit to stepping up to it now?

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How to Make Decisions That Are Ultimately Right for You

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Kathy Caprino, M.A.

My wonderful coaching clients ask me frequently, “How do I know if this is the right step?  I’m just so confused.” 

To get clear on the next step to take that will be ultimately beneficial for you, answer these three questions first, then move on the path to making your decision.

There are three powerful questions to consider before you address any significant decision:

1) Do you have enough information to make this decision?  If not, get it.

2) Is it the right time to make this decision – if not, then wait.  If so, take the steps listed below.

3) How important is this decision?  If it’s not at all important to your life, stop agonizing, and use your gut to tell you what direction to go in, and just do something.

If the time is right to make your decision, and you have enough information to do it, then follow this process:

1) Shift your mindset about decisions and next steps

First, disengage yourself from needing to believe that there is an ultimate “right” outcome to anything.  There isn’t.  Life is a cycle, a process, a flow, not a final destination.  You’ll never “get there.”  It’s all about experiencing life fully, NOW, and loving it.  Forget about outcome, and look at “process” – explore what you think this step will bring to you, along with the process of living that this step will allow you to engage in.  In other words, will this next step encourage you to grow, stretch, be excited, enlivened, and expand yourself?  If so, there’s a great deal of benefit in it.

2) How does it make you feel to consider it?

In my marriage and family therapy training, one professor said that “feeling” is the “F” word – because a therapist and client talking just about feelings can be a slippery slope of not leading to any interventions that truly help a person move forward.

In this case, however, gaining awareness of how you feel is vitally important.  Watch yourself as you explore this next step or potential decision.  Do you feel energized, excited, with your heart beating?  Or do you feel like taking a nap, exhausted, depressed and hopeless.  How you feel, and the shifts in your energy level when you’re evaluating a potential decision are highly indicative of what your heart and soul really want to do.

3) Look at what holds you back – is it all fear-based?

Write out all the pros and cons to the decision you’re facing.  Then look at the cons…are they all fear-based (“what if”, anxiety-ridden thinking)?  If so, you’re most likely getting stuck in your limited beliefs and ego-based thinking that tell you that you simply can’t embrace this challenge or step because you’ll fail or the unknown is too scary.  The unknown doesn’t have to be scary – if you embrace it as a way to be more of yourself.

4) What does your intuition/gut tell you to do?

Decisions are best made when you combine logical, linear thinking with intuitive-based wisdom that comes from a higher place.  Your logical thinking helps you identify all the pros and cons (see #3) from an intellectual perspective, but your intuition has a farther-reaching view, one that sees a bigger picture of who and where you truly want to go, and what you’re capable of. 

Get in closer touch with your internal guiding wisdom and intuition.  Start today by developing a deeper inner dialog.  Ask questions of yourself on a continual basis, and listen for the answers, then follow them!.  Begin by asking simple “yes” or “no” questions (should I take this route or that one to get to my destination, should I stop here or wait a bit, etc.), and begin hearing what your intuition tells you.  Find the place in your body where your feel your intuition most (your gut, throat, back of your neck, heart, etc.) and begin incorporating the messages of your intuition in every decision you make.

*  *  *  *  *

Ultimately, each decision you make is the right one, because you made it, and you did your best at the time, and because it inevitably led to something that was important for you to experience.  Going forward, make your decisions with fuller awareness, choice, and a belief that everything you experience will ultimately lead to something greater in yourself.  Then, every decision will feel like (and be) the right one. 

If you have a decision to make today: get the info you need, don’t make assumptions about what you’re capable of, do your best, stop worrying, and start living.

Question of the week: What decisions have you made that at first seemed to be a mistake, but later opened up great new possibilities for you?

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Five Ways to Power-Up and Get What You Want

Friday, October 30th, 2009

by Kathy Caprino, M.A.

Here’s a quick rundown on five tactics for gaining more strength and power in your life and work, beginning today:

1) Do the inner work you have to do – I’ve had more than a few folks tell me lately that they really don’t want to do the deep re-evaluation and exploration work necessary to create more success and fulfillment.  In essence, they want it done for them or given to them.  My view – that just ain’t gonna happen (and why would you want it to)?   

Tip: Do the inner and outer work necessary to 1) figure out what you really want, 2) figure out the best way to get it, 3) figure out what you need to shift and change to get it, and 4) determine what you’ll give up to have it.  Then go get it.

2) Learn from others – In many of my seminars and talks to women, there are always one or two individuals who come up to me afterwards and share with me that they didn’t want to hear the views or experiences of others – they just wanted to focus on their own issues/problems.  But being teachable and understanding that we’re all alike in vital ways and can learn from others, is an essential ingredient to power and success.  Let connection feed you, not drain you.

 Tip: Let go of your inner narcissist.  Stop focusing exclusively on yourself.  Start connecting - listening to and learning from others.  There’s a wealth of wisdom, knowledge and perspective out there for you to benefit from.

3) Stop thinking “making great money means soul-sucking misery” -  If I hear one more time, “Yeah, Kathy, this career fulfillment stuff is nice, but I’ve got to pay the mortgage,” I’m going to spit.  Of course we have to pay our bills and stay afloat, but when are folks going to realize that paying your bills DOESNT inherently, inevitably mean sacrificing your soul to do it, and being miserable.  We think it does because we’ve mistakenly told ourselves that lie our entire lives – that making great money = soul-crushing work.  Making the money you truly need doesn’t mean you have to get sick, depressed, lose yourself, hate yourself, and sacrifice everything that means anything to you, just so you can pay your mortgage. 

 Tip: Figure out the new path you desperately long to take, and begin step-by-step to create it, with money-making and meeting your needs as a key goal.  No more excuses.

4) When you don’t know what you want to do, first focus on “essence,” then on “form” – When you’re really stuck as to what you want to do next, focus on figuring out the “essence” of what you want first in your life and work, and worry about the right “form” of it only as a second step.  An example: let’s say you adore singing and always have, and you hate your corporate job.  You might be thinking, “All I want to do is quit this job, and start singing for a living. I think I’d love that!”  To that, I’d say, “Wait a minute!”  Making a living as a singer (for instance) can be excruciatingly difficult.  Most performers say, “Do this only if you can’t NOT do it!”  So before you jump into what new job/career that you’ve been fantasizing about, figure out if it’s something you truly can’t live without doing and if you’re suited to a life of it. 

What are the inner qualities, traits (the essence) of the thing you long for – what do you think this thing will give your life that you don’t have now?  Ask yourself, “What does singing give to me?”  Your answers might be that singing brings you: entertainment, the joy of creating something beautiful, the reward of making music with others, creativity, harmony, fun, stimulation, physical exertion that’s also relaxing, surrounding yourself with beautiful sounds, etc.  

 After you know specifically what singing (or the thing you’re fantasizing about) gives you, then see if you can bring forward any parts of that “essence” into your current life/career.  If not, then start evaluating and researching what that might mean for you in terms of changing your job/career to embrace more of the essence of what you long for.

Tip: Explore what lights you up, what gives you passion, and why.  They determine if there are any ways you can bring those endeavors forward in your life today, without a wholesale reinvention, if possible.

5) Get Tough - Power Up Your Boundaries – To get what you want in life, you have to be strong and confident.  You have to protect yourself from all those who would suck your energy dry, use you, take advantage of you, make you feel guilty for not doing more than you should for others, and diminish you.  You can’t have a powerful life if you’re giving over all your power to others (including your children, spouse, boss, employer, friends, relatives, etc.).

Tip: Think about where you feel exhausted, angry, depressed, resentful, and start there.  To whom do you need to say “no” and why aren’t you saying it?  It’s time to say more “No!” to others, and more “Yes!” to yourself, and time to speak up.  Just do it.

Question for the day: In what ways do you struggle in terms of feeling powerful and confident?  And what have you done to successfully increase your power in areas where it’s shaky?

Thanks for sharing, and many happy breakthroughs,
Kathy

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The Met’s “American Stories”

Monday, October 26th, 2009

I could imagine my young great grandmother Mary Degan with her mother celebrating the completion of one of their beautiful crazy quilts as I was looking at a painting I saw called “The Quilting Frolic” by John Lewis Krimmel.  “The Quilting Frolic” was among a number of paintings I saw yesterday when my husband Gary and I visited the new exhibit, “American Stories Paintings of Everyday Life, 1765-1915″ at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

In this wonderful collection of paintings you can look back at your own families history see what was happening to farmers, house maids, sales people, fishermen, free men, painters, families, slaves, Native Americans, freed slaves, cowboys and immigrants through the eyes of painters who captured everyday life. Among other things you’ll be reminded of how far women have come when you see the everyday roles we filled in 1850. These paintings and this show are not to be missed. If you plan to be anywhere near New York City for the holidays make plans to see American Stories!  Wow!

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Can You Make a Good Living Being a Life Coach?

Monday, October 12th, 2009

by Kathy Caprino

Running a coaching and consulting company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough in their lives and work, I meet thousands of folks each year who want to reinvent, many of whom are considering launching a coaching or consulting practice, or other small business of their own.  They long to transition into coaching for solid reasons, and many come with great, top-level experience. 

As a career consultant, I help people evaluate if launching a coaching practice or other venture seems a viable step for them first by conducting a thorough assessment of their goals, abilities, preferences, personality, values, mission, purpose, and long-term plans.  As my book publicist Patti Danos asked me when I was launching my book Breakdown, Breakthrough, I ask my clients, “What do you want, and what do you really want, in doing this?”

After such an assessment, I have often recommended in the past, “Looks like it makes sense at this time to move forward, and that you’ve got a strong grasp of what’s required.  Go for it!” 

Now, however, in these intensely challenging times, I ask this new question, “Are you ready and able to do what it takes to make this successful? Are you 3000% committed?”

About becoming a coach, the average income of a life coach in the U.S. today is between $30,000 - $40,000.  Only 10% to 20% or so make six-figure incomes, and many more life coaches don’t make anywhere near $30,000.  It’s not an easy path, and clients simply will not fall in your lap.  Success requires time, action, commitment, and a good number of top level skills to differentiate yourself, and to generate a large enough community to continue to fill your pipeline of paying clients.

A coach from the largest coaching organization in the world told me last week that of all the folks that reach out to them to pursue coaching, only 40% are truly “coachable,” and of those, only 30% end up signing up for services.  Those stats apply to my business as well.

I realized something this week that feels like a real “aha” to me – coaching is for a group or culture that is at the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – the level of self-actualization.  Today, however, our economic strife has pushed millions of people us down several levels of the hierarchy – to the level of “safety” — so that their primary focus now is on financial safety and security. 

If you’re interested in starting a practice/business as a life coach during these times, I’d ask you to seriously evaluate yourself, your abilities and talents, your passion for this, and your commitment to launching and maintaining a thriving practice/business.  These questions apply to you if you’re considering any entrepreneurial, small business, or consulting endeavor as well:

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What must I earn each year, to achieve the standard of living I need?  What have I earned before (and if I want to top that, what will I do differently)?

• What’s my risk tolerance?  Can I tolerate a lack of stability, fluidity, and security?

• What is my relationship with money today?  How do I deal with it, earn it, save it, invest it and grow it?  Are my actions around money, and feelings, and views powerful and healthy?  Are you committed to making the living you want?

• What is motivating me – consciously and subconsciously – to want to be a life coach?  Is there anything I’m running from that I need to address first?

• If I do everything I can to make my practice work for three to five years, and $30,000 remains my income, will this be acceptable and viable for my life and family?  If not, what will be my plan to grow myself, my knowledge and skill set — to be part of the minority segment of high-earners in the coaching field?

• Do I have the abilities, courage, confidence, perseverance and commitment to undertake all the facets of running a thriving practice/business, including: client development, networking, social media, marketing, branding, speaking, workshops, writing, business and financial leadership, and providing top-notch client services – all in one?  If not, where will I get support, learn new skills, and how will I fund this growth?

• Am I able to figure out what I don’t know or what I’m not good at, and get help all along the way to fill in my knowledge, power, and business gaps?

• Are you ready to give up a “build it and they will come” mentality, and step up to what it takes to run a successful business/practice?

• Finally, what are you looking for – a job or a calling?

I ask you to address these questions not to discourage you from following your dreams, but to present a realistic picture of what’s essential in running a successful business today.  If you conduct a deep exploration of your answers to these questions and come up ready to move forward to pursue life coaching as your career, fantastic!!  If not, then perhaps other avenues and outcomes of career reinvention are more suited to you, and will make you happier and more fulfilled.

If you do wish to move forward into life coaching, I’d say it’s time for you to explore it further and embrace the possibility. 

Here are some first great steps:

1) Research, research, research what it will take (start first with the International Coach Federation) and explore training programs, resources, and other coaches’ businesses and models.  Find a successful life coach to hire who could serve as your mentor business coach.  My specific tip here: Use a business coach who has already achieved what you long to.  (For info on the difference between a “mentor” coach and an “implementation” coach, stayed tuned to my upcoming posts.)

2) Get powerful with your money today – don’t wait.  Gain a thorough grasp of your financial situation – what you need to earn, what you spend, what you can cut back on, how you will fund your reinvention, and so on.  Get a great financial consultant to help you sort out your situation, and set realistic, stretching goals.  Get out of denial, and get powerful with your finances.

3) “Go where the energy is” – observe yourself in the process of exploring this path.  Does it feel exciting, energizing, enlivening, or daunting and discouraging?  For you to make a go of this, the predominant feeling needs to be excitement, possibility, and passion.

4) Receive training and education  – nothing moves us forward faster than powerful training and education to help us be and know more than we do today.  Don’t skip that step.  Coaching training and business skill development are absolutely vital to teach you how to be the best coach, and business owner, you can be.

5) Develop a sound business plan with concrete marketing strategies.  Find a great non-profit organization (such as SCORE the Women’s Business Development Center, or Count Me In) in your area, to help you create powerful business and marketing tactics, and a plan, to make your endeavor successful.

6) Finally, take my four steps to breakthrough:
- Step Back for an empowered outside perspective on where you are, and what you dream of doing

- Let Go of the thinking, behaviors, and patterns that have been keeping you stuck and holding you back in the past

- Say Yes! to your compelling visions.  If you really want to do this, then commit yourself 3000% to doing what it takes to be successful.

- Create It!  Develop a solid plan, complete with goals, outcomes, and milestones against which to measure your progress.  If you don’t plan it, you’ll have a very tough time creating it, or generating the necessary energy you need to build it.

For added support, sign up for my newsletters and my blog on career and life breakthrough to give you some ongoing assistance and resources.

Life coaching is a fabulously exciting and rewarding field.  Here’s to embracing your inner (and outer) coach, and being financially and emotional successful doing it!

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How to Do More of What You Love (and less of what you hate)

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

People ask me all the time, “Is now really the time to consider making big changes in my life, or reinventing?”  I say YES!  Crisis times like these are the perfect time to reinvent.  They push you to purify, shed what holds you back, and embrace what you want most in life.  Why?  Because so much of what you are experiencing today isn’t working for you, that you finally get it - you wake up to recognizing  that you simply can’t go on like this any longer.
 
But to generate positive change in your life and career, you’ve got to take action.  It’s work to make life and career change - both inner and outer work - and if you’re ready and committed to doing it, your life will most assuredly change for the better.
 
I’ve helped hundreds of people change careers, reinvent, start new businesses, apply their creative gifts to their careers, improve their relationships, gain empowerment in their current situation, and do more of what they love and less of what they hate to do in life and work.  The one common ingredient in all of these folks who are successful in making change is a deep and ongoing commitment to making their lives better and happier.
 
There are six vitally important steps to moving away from what you hate towards what you love:
 
1. Understanding What You Want
This is not an easy task, but it’s essential.  Understanding what you want in life requires a thorough review of your whole life and career, teasing out for exploration and discovery all the experiences you had in your life in which you felt fully alive, passionate, powerful, appreciated, recognized  - in the flow - knowing why you are on the planet now.  You need clarity about where you want to go, and this clarity comes from recognizing when you’ve been your “highest and best” self, the most joyful version of you.
 
Then, it takes figuring out how you can bring more of these experiences into your life today - developing a new empowered mindset, and applying your special skills, talents, and abilities in the world, and making MONEY doing it.  It takes figuring out if you want a job or a calling, and also what you want in your life as a professional endeavor vs. an avocational experience.
 
Download my Career Path Assessment on my Ellia Communications website for a great start, or write me for a free 30-minute coaching strategy session to help you gain clarity on the “essence” of what you want vs. the right “form” of it for you and your life (and your marriage, family, financial situation, long-term plans, etc.)
 
2. Research, research, and research what you might want to do differently in your career and life.  After you’ve analyzed what it will take, determine your readiness to move forward.  Make a decision to commit to doing what’s necessary to bring into your life what you want
 
3. Stretch yourself and power up - start being more powerful in your life today, wherever you can.  Speak up where you need to, enforce your boundaries where they’re being crushed, and stop being the “victim” to outside circumstances.  Start being accountable for how things are, and for changing them.
 
4. Become incredibly powerful around money and develop a business/marketing mindset (forget about a “build it and they will come” attitude - that doesn’t make a new business or venture successful).  As Tony Robbins says (I love it!) - don’t look at your life or career with rose-colored glasses.  See it for what it is, but don’t see it worse than it is.  Then TAKE ACTION!
 
5. Get help/be teachable at all times - Reach out and ask for help now, and all along the way.  We all have gaps in our knowledge and skill-sets. Learn to recognize when help is required, and get it.
 
6. Finally uncover what’s really holding you back from making the life and career change you want most.
 
Most often, it’s an internal block in the form of the “stories” you’ve been telling yourself all your life, about your worth, abilities, who you really are, and what you can ultimately achieve.
 
Typical blocks fall into these key areas:
• I’m afraid to step up
• I’m not good/smart/strong enough to do this
• Who will want really want me/this?
• Selling is terrible - I hate to sell (myself and my services)
• It’s a lot of work
• I haven’t succeeded at this before - why would I now?
• I don’t know how to make money doing what I love (and there’s no way I can)
 
Which “story” are you telling yourself about moving forward to embracing doing more of what you love, and less of what you hate?
 
YOU CAN DO IT!  Get empowered help today to gain clarity, focus, and create a plan to reinvent your life or work.
 
Check out my book Breakdown Breakthrough and my four month, four step Achieve Your Life Breakthrough! Program to start you on your way to breakthrough.
 
Change in life will happen, whether you act or not.  The question is, “Do you want to progress and grow, and be more successful and fulfilled through life change, or not?”  If you do, then you must take conscious and directed action: clarify exactly want you want, and create a concrete plan to achieve your goals.
 
Please take one step today from the list above to start you on your way to breakthrough.
 

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The Real Deal with Women Today

Monday, September 21st, 2009

As so much national research is revealing, women are sadder and sicker than ever before, and more so in midlife than in other times of their lives. 

 

Here’s recent Huffington Post piece about the sad and shocking truth about women.

 

There’s speculation abounding about why, but no real answers.  Further, with men still being named the research experts on women (so irksome!), the headway is slow in uncovering the real truth.

 

Based on my seven years of research with thousands of women nationwide, there are seven hidden reasons why women are struggling deeply today, and failing to find success, health, joy, or purpose:

 

1)       An Ill-Fitted Career Model: The current competitive career model simply doesn’t fit women

 

2)       An Extreme Overload: The current gender roles don’t work – women are still doing the vast majority of domestic responsibility even when they work or are the primary breadwinners

 

3)       “Who can I look up to?”  There are very few female role models – from the past or present — of successful, happy, powerful and healthy women who work and raise a family

 

4)       “I’m not supposed to!”  Women are culturally trained NOT to do the things required of them to lead happy, healthy, powerful lives (including: speaking up, feeling confident and powerful, displaying self-esteem and leadership, knowing what you want and having an intensive focus in getting it, putting yourself first, etc.)

 

5)       “What do I choose?” Women are paralyzed by all the options in front of them (children, work, domestic responsibilities, rising to high ranks, working out of the home or in, having their own business vs. corporate job, etc).

 

6)       “I’m ashamed.” – Women feel guilt and shame about where they are and what they feel today, and about pursuing steps that will help them gain power and self-actualization

 

7)       Women Are Tough on Women – Women are very hard on themselves and other women — critical and punishing in their actions and beliefs — especially to other women.  Why?  Because they’re struggling and have been for years, and people who are in pain and struggling are not generous and giving.

 

All of these obstacles hit women hard.  Men do not face these crises in the same ways. 

 

Wake up world!!  Women are radically different from men and that’s a good thing!  They differ in their values, priorities, dreams, styles, visions, but they’re told somehow that it’s not ok to be different.  Women are struggling hard, but ashamed of their differences, and continually hide or deny their suffering.

 

The time is now!  Let’s help women step up to what they truly want, to create a breakthrough in how they live and work.  For this to happen, women must accept who they are authentically, power up and step up to get what they want, and stop making excuses.

 

It’s time for women to give themselves permission to choose the life of their dreams, and get 3000% committed to having it!

 

Please reach out today (crisis is the perfect time to reinvent) if you need a breakthrough in your life.  Take advantage of my FREE 30-minute coaching strategy call to help you 1) gain clarity on what you want, 2) understand what’s holding you back, 3) create a powerful plan to achieve your goals. 

 

Every day you don’t move toward breakthrough, is a day that’s stolen from your life.  What are you waiting for?

 

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Being Real in Times of Turmoil

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

I had a fascinating call last night from a local woman in need of some help.  She had heard of me in the community, and was reading my book Breakdown, Breakthrough and found it resonated with her, so she reached out for some coaching insights about her current situation, which is very dire.

 

Our conversation brought something to light which I’m compelled to address now, because it’s vitally important to me to be authentic and real in my work, while at the same time offering help, comfort, and hope to people who are suffering intensely right now.

 

This woman indicated to me that in some way, she was nervous to call me, afraid I wouldn’t understand her, or accept her, because of what she’s going through.  She is feeling very lost and alone right now, and she said she felt intimidated because she viewed me as a woman who’d accomplished so much, one who doesn’t struggle, and as one who knows exactly what my passion is, and is “powerful”  in living that passion. 

 

This one-sided perception, while highly complimentary, is distressing to me, because it acknowledges only one side of me and my life – the light-filled side.  It disregards the shadow side, the dimension of me that is feeling burdened, confused, and hopeless like most everyone else in the country today.  I struggle in these very hard financial times and in my life, exactly as others do around me.  My business has taken a huge hit in the economic downturn, and I’ve been disheartened by the external view that life and career coaching and breakthrough work for women are endeavors only for the “good” and prosperous times, not for times when we can’t pay our bills.

 

When folks look at my website, programs and offerings, many see something that isn’t there – they see someone who only experiences success and power – one who, after some problems and challenges in the corporate world, somehow easily and seamlessly found a way to reinvent, and did it to great success.  What they don’t see (or don’t want to see) are all my flaws, bumps, blocks, and pitfalls– the challenges (in my personality, approach, thinking, and worldview) that created (and still do bring about) crushing and demoralizing obstacles for me.  They see in me someone who is invincible, who knew what she wanted and got it. 

 

For the record, it wasn’t, and isn’t, like that – seamless, easy, straightforward.  It’s the opposite.  For years, I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life, and spent thousands of wasted, unhappy hours feeling lost and confused – and feeling ashamed and embarrassed that, despite my “outward” success, I was breaking down.  Now that I do know who I want to be and what I want to do in the world, the challenge is in doing that successfully.

 

What’s important for me to share right now is my vulnerable, frightened side – the shadow side of me that works day and night to create in the 3-dimensional world what I need and long to do.  I’m clawing through these times like everyone else – to pay my bills, to build a thriving business, to remain a source of light and hope for my family, and to provide uplifting help needed now more than ever – while still allowing myself the occasional time to “give in” and hang my head in my hands over the challenges I face.

 

So there it is – an authentic, real look at the inner workings of a formerly miserable corporate professional turned passionate life and career coach – potentially supremely happy, but in these times, doing everything in her power to keep the faith and to believe actively what her heart tells her is the truth: that each of us will weather these tumultuous times and find ourselves on the other side some day, with greater strength, courage, and wisdom than we ever thought possible. 

 

Here’s to keeping it real.

 

What do you do each day to “keep the faith” and keep it real in your life and work?  I’d love to hear.  Thank you for sharing.

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The Global Woman’s Crusade

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

Nicholas Kristof’s New York Times article “The Woman’s Crusade” of August 17th is very moving, about the plight of women and girls in our world.  Hope you’ll check it out here.

In response to Kristof’s “Half the Sky” competition for compelling stories of individuals who are empowering girls and women in the developing world, I submitted for consideration my inspiring friend and colleague Theresa Wilson, Founder of The Blessing Basket Project.  Here’s my post on Kristof’s blog.

The New York Times Magazine this Sunday is a special issue focused on women in the developing world, including an extract from “Half the Sky,” the new book by Nicholas Kristof and his wife, Sheryl WuDunn.   May it become a true movement that betters the lives of girls and women everywhere.

It’s truly amazing what one person can do to reduce world poverty and oppression. Each of us, in fact, can make a vast difference in our world. One small dream, followed by aligned action, changes everything.

Kristof’s work makes me want to do more, and be more, and it makes me think, “What else can I do today?”

May breakthrough be possible in ourselves and our world today,

Kathy

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Women and Speaking Up

Monday, August 17th, 2009

On Saturday, I was a guest along with a terrific communications consultant Diane DiResta on a neat radio show — Live with Lisa! Radio – hosted by Lisa Wexler. The lively and revealing discussion centered around the issue of women and reinvention, career transition, and speaking up with power and purpose. Check it out!  Here’s the full show.

 

Speaking up with authenticity and power for women is very challenging.  Our difficulties in speaking up, I believe, are less about our inherent capabilities and more about our “nurture” experience – how we’ve been raised and culturally trained to “be and act” as women. In my book Breakdown, Breakthrough, I’ve written an entire chapter specifically about this issue (Chapter 7: Speaking Up with Power), and I offer concrete approaches to overcoming this challenge.

 

There are three overarching steps to take when you can’t speak up for yourself:

 

- Step Back: to explore past trauma you’ve experienced in speaking up

 

- Let Go: of your fear and negativity around expressing yourself

 

- Say Yes! to your personal power through your every word and action

 

Taking steps to gain power in expressing yourself leads to true breakthrough, and to the ultimate experience of using your voice to positively impact your work, family, community, and the world.

 

Breaking it down, here’s what needs to happen to have a breakthrough in your personal expression:

 

1) Say what you need and want to

Each moment of each day, identify exactly what you want to say, and begin saying it – without being overly-emotional, state your views with surety, confidence, and self-trust.   Think about the conversation you most need to have today to move forward in life or work, and have it!

 

2) Use positive language always

As the fabulous little book The Four Agreements explains, one key to personal freedom is for you to agree to “Be Impeccable With Your Word.” This means to avoid sinning against yourself or anyone else through your words. Watch your language at all times – is it negative, diminishing, demeaning, or lacking in hope or possibility? If so, change it!

 

3) Heal past suppression

Most women have experienced at some point in their lives a traumatic time in which they were criticized, punished or worse for speaking up. (By the way, men don’t experience this challenge in the same way, for a number of reasons.) If you’re afraid to speak up, get some help from an empowered mentor, coach, or therapist who can lead you away from your fear of communicating your true self, and help you heal. You didn’t experience this trauma so that you’d remain silent your whole life. You experienced it in order to move through it, once and for all.

 

Now’s the time to be all you came to be in this lifetime, and you can’t do that if you don’t speak up.

 

Wishing you many happy breakthroughs,

Kathy

 

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