Posts Tagged ‘tips’

When to Take Things Personally, and When Not To

Saturday, November 7th, 2009

This week, two ongoing clients of mine simply forgot they were scheduled for a coaching session, and just didn’t call.  When talking to them later, they apologized profusely, with sincere embarrassment, and told me they were crashingly busy, and their week got away from them  — they simply forgot (or had neglected to write it down).

When stuff happens in my life — in twos and threes like this — I like to try to wrap my head around if there’s something for me to learn or do differently, or if it’s just a random occurrence not worthy of any major evaluation or analysis.  After all, sometimes in life (as a friend of mine likes to say), “A butterfly is just a butterfly.”

In this case, I think there is something to look at…that perhaps making time for self-examination and self-discovery is a bit daunting in the face of everything else going on for these folks this week.    Perhaps an “I forgot” really means, “I can’t take this in, this week. I’m just not up for it.  I will be ready again soon, but not this week.”  And I really get that.

What would be even more empowering would be for each of us to grow in our awareness of this feeling, and say out loud, “I’m a bit overwhelmed right now, and can’t tackle anything more this week.”  After all, we’ve all had moments/periods like that.  There’s no shame in it.

To answer my own question, then, do I take these types of occurrences personally (that a few folks are forgetting to call in on a given week?)  Actually, no, I don’t (please let me know if you think I’m crazy!)  Per the powerful Four Agreements, by don Miguel Ruiz, I work on avoiding taking things personally, because it gives me greater freedom not to, and an increased ability to keep an open heart and mind.  After all, whatever you want and need is up to you, as is the way you choose to communicate it.  In the end, I’m happier and less self-conscious when I don’t take things personally.

Question of the day: What do you take really personally, and what can you just let go of instead?  I’d love to hear your views.

Here’s to letting it all go, and feeling freer to just be ourselves and letting others do the same.

Isisara: Changing the Frame

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

frame It seems I’m often confessing in these blogs.  Well here’s another one.  First I’ll reveal another limiting belief I’ve been holding, and then how that faulty picture has been reframed.

Okay, out with it: I don’t like keeping track of my financials.  I’ve never done my own taxes; I always have someone else do them.  The ability to balance a checking account has eluded me.  I estimate how much money I have at any given time. Keeping an exact budget feels like a straitjacket.  I think the stock market is the real voodoo economics.

Now, I do love having and spending money.  I have always come in under budget in my professional life.  I have a personal investment manager who does my investing for me.  I’ve always participated in company 401Ks to the maximum allowed.  When it comes to cash, my general attitude is that I have enough skills to keep myself employed, that I always have enough, and that money turns up when I am in need.  But the details of that money remain in fantasyland, out of my incapable hands.

So you get the conceptual frame around my finances.   Money is always there, sometimes in abundance, sometimes a bit scarce, but I always survive.  Do you see the gilding around the frame? I have built my financial life on a foundation of occasional lack and inconsistency, mystery, illusiveness, unpredictability and dependency on what I can earn or raise.

What’s at the bottom of it all?  Fear, plain and simple.   When my coach, Rha, asked me what this fear felt like and where it came from, the elements I named sounded crazy and puny all by themselves, even untrue.  I know I’m not really incapable, untalented, incompetent or unworthy.  I realized the fear is bigger and badder, darker and meaner when I leave it as a nameless, murky, all encompassing haze.

Then Rha asked me to imagine what knowing my numbers could mean to me.  As I quietly felt deep into that state, amazing responses bubbled up to the surface:

When I know my numbers I have power.
When I know my numbers I have the facts, and I can consciously choose what to spend and how much. I don’t have to wish, guess or hope.
When I know my numbers I can see when I need to make more.
When I know my numbers I can shape my life, I can control my time.
When I know my numbers I have the clarity to dream bigger, and the ability to make those dreams real.
When I know my numbers I have peace of mind and spirit.  I rest easy at night and walk with confidence during the day.
When I know my numbers I can teach my daughter by my example and set her on a path to her own true independence.
When I know my numbers I can be free.

frame2

The next step in Rha’s process was to encourage me to write these revelations down as a series of affirmations, and post them right where I pay my bills and input my numbers in Quick Books.    So when I open the envelopes, write my checks and create my budget, I am no longer just fulfilling some onerous chore.  These affirmations help me reframe the context for my financials, making them much more attractive to me and much more resonant with my values and the vision I hold for my life.

What I am really doing when I look at the facts of my figures is stepping into my power on new terms.  I am saying amen to clarity.  I am fanning the fires of my deepest desires and helping them manifest.   I am enlivening the energy of abundance in my wallet and my bank accounts.   I am co-creating a new reality.  I am walking in freedom.

The Inescapable List

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

This is a hard one to write because I’ve got to confess.  But even more difficult is the fact that I can’t just say it, I’ve got to do it.  Here goes.
You see, I’ve been stricken with a malaise that surrounds and pervades me like a cloud. The reasons are legion:   a birthday approaching that will make me the same age my mother was when she died; 30 extra pounds from years of emotional eating to reckon with; separation from a career I enjoyed, along with the title, prestige and perks that went with it; the hormonal disruptions of menopause; a teenager who is cutting the apron strings to find herself that I miss tremendously.   And underneath it all, the feeling that there is still so much more I must do, so many creative urges waiting to be expressed.   In short, it’s time to change - to save - my life.  
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Beauty for my Birthday

Friday, April 17th, 2009

No matter where you are in life or how much you think you’ve got a handle on things, you never know what great things will happen when you try something new.  This weekend I’m going to get to work with a new friend, play with lots of new makeup, and start a new year.  All in gorgeous Florida!

Here’s how it all started: Back at the launch of the M3RACE, a friend of Count Me In wanted to introduce me to one of his new clients, Stacey Shieffelin, the created of HSN’s YBF Cosmetics.  Stacey’s products, her message, and her purpose of helping women look and feel their best was right in line with our goals in the M3RACE.  At Count Me In, we believe that business growth comes from personal growth.  And we both believe that having fun, taking good care of yourself and spending time with our girlfriends are key to more happiness and success.

Stacey believes that beauty comes from the inside out.  As a former Ford Agency model, she’s wants to be your best friend (YBF, get it?) who spills all the insider secrets of looking gorgeous.  This Saturday Stacey and I, with the lovely M3 Racer Kimberly Martinez of BooJee Beads, are going to be talking on HSN talking about how every business owner can learn new ways to represent herself and her business in a more polished, professional way.  It’s going to be a riot – both Stacey and Kimberly are bona fide glamazons – they’re both nearly six feet tall, blonde, and inch-for-inch are as energetic and opinionated as I am.  Stacey is going to show us her makeup strategies live on the air, so she’s has asked Kim and I to appear (on national television!) without any makeup at the start.  Eeeek!  I do plenty of local TV appearances where there’s no makeup artist or “touch ups provided” means two puffs of hair spray and time to put on your own lipstick.  And even when I do get the full treatment from a professional make up artist, it doesn’t always go well.  As Isisara would say, “Girlfriend, it ain’t cute.”  (Or as Amy would say, “It’s hard to do purple eye shadow without looking like a drag queen.”)  It’s going to be a lot of fun to get a make over from Stacey and learn a lot of new tips and tricks.

I’ll be on TWICE on Saturday, from 11am to noon EST and again from 9-10pm EST.  Did I mention, Saturday is also my birthday??  It’s going to be a long day!  In between shows I’ll probably go to the hotel gym, go to the beach, and have a little lunch with my husband Gary who’s coming with me as a sort of birthday mini-break.

I hope you and your girlfriends can all tune in!

Your First 100 Days

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Sit back and think about what has happened to you, your business and your family since the beginning of 2009.  Start to make a mental list, or better yet write down a list of what has happened. Use that list to take a moment and recognize your accomplishments. Share that list of accomplishments with employees, family and friends - share it on the M3 message board - email them to me at nm@countmein.org so we can make a huge list of accomplishments and challenges faced by business owners and families. Use that list of accomplishments to plan the rest of the year to reach the goals I hope you have set for yourself, your business and your family.

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Isisara: We Are All Well Made

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Think of all the people we assume misbehave.   Toddlers and children misbehave.  The very definition of the word teenager is misbehavior.   In-laws are big misbehavers.  So are old people.  They’re downright crotchety.  Look at how husbands are portrayed in sitcoms - they’re clueless and misbehavers.   And let’s not even go there about bosses.  If you’re an employee they are ego –tripping, power mad misbehavers.  For business owners, misbehaving workers are a constant and royal headache.

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Overwhelmed and In Charge

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

The 100 day clock is ticking for our President Obama - we all wonder how he does it - facing down one crisis after another with his calm and determined focus. How do you handle all the business opportunities and challenges coming at you? What do you do when you feel OVERWHELMED - waking up in the middle of the night wondering and worrying about money, projects and people? I woke up at 4 AM this morning concerned about money and what I had said to an employee the day before. The best medicine for that overwhelmed feeling is talking with other business owners and experts and listening to how they’ve handled similar situations (Remember back to January when Obama invited all the former Presidents for lunch?)

Another way to get grounded and keep growing is knowing how to use all those glorious, jumbled thoughts running around in your head with a mind-mapping technique to help solve whatever problems you encounter in your business and life. On Monday April 27th the Make Mine a Million $ Business RACE will hold a very special one-day live event at the American Express Auditorium in New York City. Every woman who attends will have the opportunity to present her business to experts and a group of her peers, while celebrating our successes and facing our challenges in “The First 100 Days for Women Entrepreneurs in 2009: Running the M3 RACE“. In addition, we’ll all learn or refresh our knowledge about an elegantly simple mind-mapping technique that will help us clarify our vision and see our way through obstacles and opportunities as we race toward our goals.

Please plan to attend - space is limited to women in the M3 Community with special opportunities and activities for those of you who are registered M3 RACER’s.  You can sign up for the M3 RACE today and admission to this historic occasion is free!  Watch this web site for all details. I am looking forward to meeting each and every one of you.

How to Interview Like a Pro

Monday, February 16th, 2009

On this President’s Day, I want to praise Mr. Obama’s choice of Christina Romer as Chair of the Council of Economic Advisors; her leadership inspires hope and realistic confidence. I hope she has many opportunities to be out to speak to the press and the public about the economy. I think that between the two of you, our confidence in the economy can be restored.

As business women, she will teach us a lot about how we will get out of the recession – but also - how to conduct a great television interview.

I’d just watched her in an interview on PBS last Friday. Ms. Romer looks like so many of us, middle aged in her business suit with the jewel neckline complete with necklace, wash and wear hairdo, minimal make up and confident, thoughtful responses to tough questions about the thing people care about most, being jobs and when will they be available.

Ms. Romer was obviously happy (genuinely smiling) and pleased that the Stimulus Package had passed. When asked if it was big enough to create needed jobs she responded calmly and confidently - without skipping a beat - that an analysis had already been done of the changes in the package and that she expected 3.5 million jobs to be created by 2010. And more importantly our Chair of Economic Advisors expects positive job growth by the end of this year! That is excellent news.

Christina, thank you for taking the job.

Cabinet officers and business women alike can learn a lot about TV interviews from watching Ms. Romer. She did everything right- looked right at the camera, smiled, showed some emotion, took her time answering questions and gave short, succinct, uncomplicated answers with enough data and timetables to be credible comforting and confident.

I know that every business owner is looking to improve their PR, so here’s my tip: The next time you watch an interview you enjoy, think about what the guest does and how she sounds that made you feel connected to her, engaged by the topic or informed by what she had to say. And if you didn’t like the interview, why not? While you’re working on your elevator pitch – and you should be! – try to incorporate those things. Practice before you go on camera and you too will inspire confidence.

Believe in you
Nell