Posts Tagged ‘growth’

Isisara: Self of Steam

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Do you know what you’re really good at?  Do you know when you are really on, living from deep inside yourself, moving from your core?  Zen describes it as the connection between the archer and the target that pulls the arrow straight to the heart of the bull’s eye. That state of grace when intention and action flow seamlessly, one to the other, and you are in the proverbial zone.   It is a natural feeling that is almost impossible to describe because it is so innate, like asking a fish to describe the water in which it swims.

It took me years to understand that although I didn’t have to be good at everything, there were certain things I was excellent at doing.  Whenever I am in the process of doing those things I feel centered, peaceful and connected, hypersensitive to everything around me and able to encompass it all at once, nearly invincible, with the courage to risk being honest and vulnerable.

Writing, leading groups and speaking into a microphone from a stage or on radio are the times when I am in my power, when my actions are graceful and unforced, when I am my most authentic self.

What are the clues?  The first clue is that it’s something that feels effortless when I am doing it. Every cell is plugged in, and resources I did not know I had are suddenly at my disposal. That doesn’t mean that I don’t study, or develop my skills in those areas.  I have and I do.  But when I am engaged in those activities, I seem to just flow with it.
It’s also something that is so much fun it doesn’t feel like work.  I can do it for hours, and would spend whatever time it takes to get it done to perfection.  These are areas in which I exercise great discipline. Somewhere I read that discipline means to be a disciple to one’s dream, and that is how I feel about my talents - that I was born to do them, and that my utilizing my talents is my contributions to the world.

When I have a piece to write, or an event to lead, I approach the preparation with tremendous respect.  I make sure I have the proper tools that are needed.  I give it time and quiet surroundings.  I set my intention for the work and the recipients of the work.  I lay the foundation to unleash my creativity with music, inspiring images, a candle and perhaps a cup of herbal tea.  It is a calling and I honor it with the deepest respect.

When you find what you are best at, the gates of heaven open up, because your work becomes heaven on earth.  Imagine being able to support yourself, amuse yourself, bring joy to others and benefit mankind from your innate talent.  Most people spend a lifetime not finding that, trapped in jobs they either tolerate or outright hate just to draw a paycheck.  For others, it is the dream deferred because they never found a way to make good on their talents.

Doing what you are best at ramps up your self-image because you excel at it and it shows.  My friend Nancy’s daughter calls self-esteem her “self of steam” and I think she’s right.  I think you have to get a full head of steam up, pure energy, in order to propel your life’s engine to its optimal speed. And what better fuel can there be to run your life than your own natural abilities?

Don’t worry that your talent may not be as great as someone else’s. Each of us has unique and valuable gifts.    Even if all you’re good at is telling jokes, think of how healing (and rewarding) laughter can be.  Just ask Steve Harvey, Chris Rock and Jay Leno.  If you follow your muse, authentically and easily, it will lead you to unexpected places, unimagined fulfillment and maybe even untold riches.

Isisara: A Stroke and A Slap

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

In one of those supremely serendipitous moments, I walked right into my dear friend, the always impeccable and sophisticated art dealer, Noel on 8th Avenue last week.  Turns out she’d just been calling my name to a friend not an hour before.  To compound the synchronicity, Noel’s twin sister, the yoga & sake maven Linda emerged from the subway station while we were standing there!  Girlfriend reunion, hugs all around.

Noel immediately took us in hand to visit her elder friend and mentor, the veteran award-winning stage actress, Billie Allen.  It seems Ms. Billie was in the midst of turning over two racks of couture and wearable art to a consignment shop.  Fortunately, Linda and I got there first.
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Be the Boss, Ask for Help

Friday, August 21st, 2009

I have been called bossy since I was in kindergarten.   It turned out Mrs. Stevenson, my teacher was so right. I grew up to be a boss and have had my own business with employees since 1992 and run Count Me In since 2000.  Being a boss means being a leader. Being a leader is extremely exciting and challenging because your employees, customers and family look to you for answers. But, where do leaders go for all those answers particularly when the going gets tough? How do you break the isolation of being lonely at the top? They get together with each other like the G8 Summit and figure it all out.

Where little boys (and big boys) get described as leaders, authoritative, powerful or ambitions, little girls who want the same things are pushy, bossy or bitchy.  For literally decades, through at least two or three generations now, women have been talking about how to claim our desire for authority and reframe those words to be as positive as the men’s.   When are we going to start meaning it?  Being the boss is a wonderful, complicated, challenging thing, even terrifying at times.  But that doesn’t mean we should back away.  I built Count Me In so I could be the boss, and to help other women cultivate their own boss-like tendencies.  There are more of us than ever, as a lot more questions and challenges to go along with the success.  It’s time to take a cue from the G8 and look to each other to find the answers we need.

And that is why we are holding The Count Me In Leadership Institute Sept 24-26.  Registration is open and seats are limited for this intensive, intimate experience.  Please join me there - together there is no problem we can’t solve.

Believe in you,

Nell

Isisara: Fierce Bounce Back

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Narrator‘s Voiceover (while a dramatic organ crescendo is heard in the background): “In our last installment, our intrepid journey agent embarked on the path of the Fierce Conversations, the list of her pending fierce chat recipients clutched firmly in her slightly sweaty hand.  The deal with her coach was one conversation a day for 5 days, to match the number of names on the list.  It was a warrior’s dose of practical self help.   Was she up to the task?  Let’s find out.”  (Organ music swells and fades) (more…)

Isisara: Confronting The Gap

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

This week’s coaching call was a doozy!  It was gut wrenching, heart thumping, stomach turning, breath- snatching.  Naturally, it was the best kind of call to have.  It means we are getting to the good stuff, to the heart of the matter, the juice, the down and dirty.  These are the topics my coach says we will “lean into” and I envision myself with my coat gripped tightly around my neck, hat pulled down around my ears, one shoulder leading as I push through head winds howling all around me.

Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but that‘s how this feels sometimes.
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Isisara: Crossing Over

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

On Saturday, my daughter and I spent a wonderful afternoon in the sunny and expansive backyard of a home on Long island, New York.  We were there to witness the crossing over of 7 girls into young womanhood in an African rites of passage ceremony, inspired by the culture and practices of the people of Ghana.   The girls had studied together each week for an entire year, along with spending portions their school breaks together.  Indeed, they’d been together for the 5 days prior to the ceremony as well.   It was their last week together to prepare for the culmination of all their work, and the continuation of a maturity ritual that dates back eons.

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Three Questions for Linda Russell

Friday, July 24th, 2009

After writing my blog last week about the Proust Questionnaire, I thought more about the value of guided conversations through questionnaires.  Going through the exercise of answering questions out loud or on paper can bring enormous clarity to a problem, even just by revealing what it is you do or don’t know.  Whether they’re discussions with yourself, your therapist, your mentor or your coach, a Q&A can help you see where you’ve been and where you’re going.

Smart business owners frequently assess themselves and their strategies.  Over the following weeks, I’ll be sharing with you the results of questionnaires I sent some of the M3RACE’s most successful participants.  The first is from Linda Russell, who documented the process of acquiring and using her SBA loan for this blog.
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Isisara: The Low Info High Impact Diet

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Last Sunday, I attended the afternoon service at Sacred Center NYC.  I love, love, love the senior minister, august-goldRev. August Gold.  She’s whip smart, earthy, very funny, a lively and compelling storyteller, and she’s got a take on life that is illuminating and, as you will read, sometimes challenging.

So there I was, sitting in the pew, when they announced a free, 45-minute class immediately after the service called Breakthrough!, a fast-paced, drop-in group designed to give us one great tool to begin using immediately that will break through our resistance to moving on our life’s path.

Okay, sign me up.  I mean, I’m diggin’ my work and loving my life, but I can’t help feeling that there’s more for me, more in me.  About half the congregation stayed after for their own personal breakthroughs.  Clearly they were ready for anything that could help lift the oppressive veil that seems to separate us from knowing and living our purpose.
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The Proust Questionaire

Friday, July 17th, 2009

While I’ve been working on my next book, a follow up to Stepping Out of Line, I’ve been hearing that many fans want to hear more about imagination – how do you tap into the great ideas that are lying right below consciousness?

Questionnaires are a great tool for approaching ideas from new angles and developing out concepts.  My favorite is the Proust Questionnaire.  Here are my answers.  What are yours?

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Reframing “Failure” into Growth

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

So many folks come for coaching feeling like an abject failure – explaining how they’ve utterly botched something essential to them (a job, new business endeavor, a relationship, project, or performance, etc.).  The only emotions they can experience around their “failure” are shame, embarrassment, and regret.

 

I’ve lived this too – experiencing myself as a complete “failure” – having followed my intuition (or so I thought!), living from true hopes and intentions, only to watch them wither and fade, not coming to fruition at all as planned. 

 

As a keen observer of human behavior and human outcomes, I’ve witnessed (first with neutrality, then with great joy) my clients, colleagues, friends and family move from “failure” to growth.  They’ve learned, as I have, that these “failures” we think we experienced are nothing of the kind.   

 

If not failure, what are these experiences?

 

Experiences we see as “failure” are just potent flashes of insight and wisdom revealing themselves, showing you that your ego is in the driver’s seat.  These moments are showing that what you’ve attached so strongly to through your ego is not necessarily what will bring you great joy and fulfillment.  These “failures” are beautiful, light-filled moments that carry with them true insights into your life purpose, and reveal what you really want to be doing on this planet at this time, and how you want to be doing it. But the only way to gain the insight necessary is to let go of what your ego has told you is essential in this endeavor – you must get out of the box you’ve caged yourself in, and move beyond it.

 

Here’s an example – a very personal one.  When I wrote my book Breakdown Breakthrough, the entire experience came from the heart and soul.  I wanted nothing more than to be a beacon of light for women struggling to live and work joyfully.  While it was challenging to conduct the national research and spend the year writing the book, it was always heart-felt. 

 

Unfortunately, something shifted in me once the book was released.  I became very ego-driven, and attached my ego very strongly to it, suddenly striving for attention, validation, and for financial reward for my labors.  The whole thing shifted into an ego place.  I could tell something very off and wrong had happened, but I didn’t know what.

 

Now I do know – I lost my way in those months right after the book came out – I fell off my purpose – which is to be a catalyst for transformation.  Wanting my ego stroked and validated at every turn is in opposition to being a beacon of hope and light for people, isn’t it!.  In fact, how can I be a true catalyst for change if I’m stuck wanting validation, and am afraid to climb out of my own box?

 

The truth is our dreams don’t always come true as we’ve articulated them.  Why? Because our narrow vision at the time only sees a limited picture of who we are.  Our birds-eye view, on the other hand – the view from our soul’s perspective – is much more expansive and potential-filled.

 

Task for the week:  Think about where you are feeling like a “failure” today.  Is it a past job, a business endeavor, or a relationship that went terribly wrong? Explore the situation and experience fully.  Can you find the nugget of insight, wisdom, of relief in the experience?  Will you try to reframe it to a more positive interpretation, one that fits the facts equally well but allows you to forgive yourself, and see yourself full of potential and grace? 

 

Life is all in the way you view it, so shift yourself away from “failure” toward growth and possibility – you will see things change in front of your eyes when you do,