Posts Tagged ‘breakthrough’

You Are Where You Are, and You’re Moving Up

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

by Kathy Caprino, M.A.

I’ve had some very interesting revelations this week about my business as it is today, and about those individuals with whom I resonate best and most, and where I dream to take my work in the next five years.

Here’s what I realized:

1) I am where I am – that feels good

After an 18-year corporate career that was outwardly very “successful” but inwardly a very deep and long-lasting struggle, I spent eight years reinventing and transformed to a new professional identity I love.  I then became an “expert” and advocate of women’s reinvention, because that’s exactly what I’d done well -  breaking through the 12 “hidden” crises working women face today, and reclaiming my life.  I conducted a national research study with over 100 women to learn more about how to break through crisis and transform, and I wrote a book about it to help others do the same.  It’s been all about breaking through.

2) But now I want to go somewhere else – and that feels better

Now, however, I want something else, something more than breakthrough, to offer others.  I consider myself “successful” both inwardly and outwardly, but now I am committed to ABUNDANT success – tremendous, free-flying, fantastic success (in key dimensions that matter to me) that blows my socks off with joy, fulfillment and empowerment.  I’m committed to creating a fantastically successful life and career.  I have new dreams – clear, crisp, and shiny.

To create/achieve that, I need more – more of myself, more knowledge, more insight, more strength, more energy, more perspective, more focus, and more risk.  To access that in myself, I’m doing what I love best to inspire me, yet again.  I’m reaching out to women I admire deeply - those who consider themselves abundantly success on their terms – and I’m learning from them.  I’ve found there are no better teachers than those you respect and admire who are doing what you’d like to, how you’d like to do it.

This week, I launched a new national research study Women Succeeding Abundantly – How and Why They Do It, and already, after just two interviews – Shama Kabani and Janet Hanson  –  my socks have been blown off.  Why?  Because what I expect to hear from folks who’ve achieved something that I admire, is never what I end up hearing and learning.  It’s all very new and different from what I assumed.  (Stay tuned for more on these powerful interviews).

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister when she was in high school and I in middle school.  She was imparting to me her pearls of wisdom about dating and popularity, and told me that where people stood in the dating pool resembled being on a rung of a big, universal ladder – you are where you are, but you want to date someone who is one rung higher than you (that’s the dream anyway).  And you don’t want to go down a rung on your ladder!

Funny, I feel like I’m on a ladder – not one about popularity or “hierarchy” but an “energetic” ladder representing where I am and where I want to go.  I’m standing on my rung, arms outstretched, reaching toward my next rung – my future self — and am looking up, smiling and breathless.  I’m seeing on this rung other tremendously successful and empowered women who have carved out a BIG life on their terms, and are loving it and making it work abundantly. 

These women are having fantastic success in the key aspects of their lives that they care most about – whether that’s family, home, personal, professional, financial, relationships, well-being, creativity, intimacy, contribution  – you name it, they’re doing it.  These women don’t subscribe to the notion that they can’t have it all – they simply don’t see it that way.  They believe in choosing to commit to the areas that mean the world to them, and then they going after these goals/outcomes with boundless gusto and commitment.

The lesson for me in all of this is – At any given moment, each of us is vibrating at certain energetic “level” that brings to us and creates in our lives exactly what we’re ready for, deep-down.  But then – suddenly and inexplicably — we want more and we want different, and we’re ready to create it.

So it’s time.  I want to step up to the next rung of the ladder of my life, to create abundant success.  I’m ready for the chin-up.  Are you?  Yes!!  Please come up with me!

Question of the week: What do you feel you’re ready for now – what’s your next “rung?”  What do you see for yourself and your life when you step onto that rung?  And will you commit to stepping up to it now?

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How to Make Decisions That Are Ultimately Right for You

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Kathy Caprino, M.A.

My wonderful coaching clients ask me frequently, “How do I know if this is the right step?  I’m just so confused.” 

To get clear on the next step to take that will be ultimately beneficial for you, answer these three questions first, then move on the path to making your decision.

There are three powerful questions to consider before you address any significant decision:

1) Do you have enough information to make this decision?  If not, get it.

2) Is it the right time to make this decision – if not, then wait.  If so, take the steps listed below.

3) How important is this decision?  If it’s not at all important to your life, stop agonizing, and use your gut to tell you what direction to go in, and just do something.

If the time is right to make your decision, and you have enough information to do it, then follow this process:

1) Shift your mindset about decisions and next steps

First, disengage yourself from needing to believe that there is an ultimate “right” outcome to anything.  There isn’t.  Life is a cycle, a process, a flow, not a final destination.  You’ll never “get there.”  It’s all about experiencing life fully, NOW, and loving it.  Forget about outcome, and look at “process” – explore what you think this step will bring to you, along with the process of living that this step will allow you to engage in.  In other words, will this next step encourage you to grow, stretch, be excited, enlivened, and expand yourself?  If so, there’s a great deal of benefit in it.

2) How does it make you feel to consider it?

In my marriage and family therapy training, one professor said that “feeling” is the “F” word – because a therapist and client talking just about feelings can be a slippery slope of not leading to any interventions that truly help a person move forward.

In this case, however, gaining awareness of how you feel is vitally important.  Watch yourself as you explore this next step or potential decision.  Do you feel energized, excited, with your heart beating?  Or do you feel like taking a nap, exhausted, depressed and hopeless.  How you feel, and the shifts in your energy level when you’re evaluating a potential decision are highly indicative of what your heart and soul really want to do.

3) Look at what holds you back – is it all fear-based?

Write out all the pros and cons to the decision you’re facing.  Then look at the cons…are they all fear-based (“what if”, anxiety-ridden thinking)?  If so, you’re most likely getting stuck in your limited beliefs and ego-based thinking that tell you that you simply can’t embrace this challenge or step because you’ll fail or the unknown is too scary.  The unknown doesn’t have to be scary – if you embrace it as a way to be more of yourself.

4) What does your intuition/gut tell you to do?

Decisions are best made when you combine logical, linear thinking with intuitive-based wisdom that comes from a higher place.  Your logical thinking helps you identify all the pros and cons (see #3) from an intellectual perspective, but your intuition has a farther-reaching view, one that sees a bigger picture of who and where you truly want to go, and what you’re capable of. 

Get in closer touch with your internal guiding wisdom and intuition.  Start today by developing a deeper inner dialog.  Ask questions of yourself on a continual basis, and listen for the answers, then follow them!.  Begin by asking simple “yes” or “no” questions (should I take this route or that one to get to my destination, should I stop here or wait a bit, etc.), and begin hearing what your intuition tells you.  Find the place in your body where your feel your intuition most (your gut, throat, back of your neck, heart, etc.) and begin incorporating the messages of your intuition in every decision you make.

*  *  *  *  *

Ultimately, each decision you make is the right one, because you made it, and you did your best at the time, and because it inevitably led to something that was important for you to experience.  Going forward, make your decisions with fuller awareness, choice, and a belief that everything you experience will ultimately lead to something greater in yourself.  Then, every decision will feel like (and be) the right one. 

If you have a decision to make today: get the info you need, don’t make assumptions about what you’re capable of, do your best, stop worrying, and start living.

Question of the week: What decisions have you made that at first seemed to be a mistake, but later opened up great new possibilities for you?

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Five Ways to Power-Up and Get What You Want

Friday, October 30th, 2009

by Kathy Caprino, M.A.

Here’s a quick rundown on five tactics for gaining more strength and power in your life and work, beginning today:

1) Do the inner work you have to do – I’ve had more than a few folks tell me lately that they really don’t want to do the deep re-evaluation and exploration work necessary to create more success and fulfillment.  In essence, they want it done for them or given to them.  My view – that just ain’t gonna happen (and why would you want it to)?   

Tip: Do the inner and outer work necessary to 1) figure out what you really want, 2) figure out the best way to get it, 3) figure out what you need to shift and change to get it, and 4) determine what you’ll give up to have it.  Then go get it.

2) Learn from others – In many of my seminars and talks to women, there are always one or two individuals who come up to me afterwards and share with me that they didn’t want to hear the views or experiences of others – they just wanted to focus on their own issues/problems.  But being teachable and understanding that we’re all alike in vital ways and can learn from others, is an essential ingredient to power and success.  Let connection feed you, not drain you.

 Tip: Let go of your inner narcissist.  Stop focusing exclusively on yourself.  Start connecting - listening to and learning from others.  There’s a wealth of wisdom, knowledge and perspective out there for you to benefit from.

3) Stop thinking “making great money means soul-sucking misery” -  If I hear one more time, “Yeah, Kathy, this career fulfillment stuff is nice, but I’ve got to pay the mortgage,” I’m going to spit.  Of course we have to pay our bills and stay afloat, but when are folks going to realize that paying your bills DOESNT inherently, inevitably mean sacrificing your soul to do it, and being miserable.  We think it does because we’ve mistakenly told ourselves that lie our entire lives – that making great money = soul-crushing work.  Making the money you truly need doesn’t mean you have to get sick, depressed, lose yourself, hate yourself, and sacrifice everything that means anything to you, just so you can pay your mortgage. 

 Tip: Figure out the new path you desperately long to take, and begin step-by-step to create it, with money-making and meeting your needs as a key goal.  No more excuses.

4) When you don’t know what you want to do, first focus on “essence,” then on “form” – When you’re really stuck as to what you want to do next, focus on figuring out the “essence” of what you want first in your life and work, and worry about the right “form” of it only as a second step.  An example: let’s say you adore singing and always have, and you hate your corporate job.  You might be thinking, “All I want to do is quit this job, and start singing for a living. I think I’d love that!”  To that, I’d say, “Wait a minute!”  Making a living as a singer (for instance) can be excruciatingly difficult.  Most performers say, “Do this only if you can’t NOT do it!”  So before you jump into what new job/career that you’ve been fantasizing about, figure out if it’s something you truly can’t live without doing and if you’re suited to a life of it. 

What are the inner qualities, traits (the essence) of the thing you long for – what do you think this thing will give your life that you don’t have now?  Ask yourself, “What does singing give to me?”  Your answers might be that singing brings you: entertainment, the joy of creating something beautiful, the reward of making music with others, creativity, harmony, fun, stimulation, physical exertion that’s also relaxing, surrounding yourself with beautiful sounds, etc.  

 After you know specifically what singing (or the thing you’re fantasizing about) gives you, then see if you can bring forward any parts of that “essence” into your current life/career.  If not, then start evaluating and researching what that might mean for you in terms of changing your job/career to embrace more of the essence of what you long for.

Tip: Explore what lights you up, what gives you passion, and why.  They determine if there are any ways you can bring those endeavors forward in your life today, without a wholesale reinvention, if possible.

5) Get Tough - Power Up Your Boundaries – To get what you want in life, you have to be strong and confident.  You have to protect yourself from all those who would suck your energy dry, use you, take advantage of you, make you feel guilty for not doing more than you should for others, and diminish you.  You can’t have a powerful life if you’re giving over all your power to others (including your children, spouse, boss, employer, friends, relatives, etc.).

Tip: Think about where you feel exhausted, angry, depressed, resentful, and start there.  To whom do you need to say “no” and why aren’t you saying it?  It’s time to say more “No!” to others, and more “Yes!” to yourself, and time to speak up.  Just do it.

Question for the day: In what ways do you struggle in terms of feeling powerful and confident?  And what have you done to successfully increase your power in areas where it’s shaky?

Thanks for sharing, and many happy breakthroughs,
Kathy

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Isisara: Self of Steam

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Do you know what you’re really good at?  Do you know when you are really on, living from deep inside yourself, moving from your core?  Zen describes it as the connection between the archer and the target that pulls the arrow straight to the heart of the bull’s eye. That state of grace when intention and action flow seamlessly, one to the other, and you are in the proverbial zone.   It is a natural feeling that is almost impossible to describe because it is so innate, like asking a fish to describe the water in which it swims.

It took me years to understand that although I didn’t have to be good at everything, there were certain things I was excellent at doing.  Whenever I am in the process of doing those things I feel centered, peaceful and connected, hypersensitive to everything around me and able to encompass it all at once, nearly invincible, with the courage to risk being honest and vulnerable.

Writing, leading groups and speaking into a microphone from a stage or on radio are the times when I am in my power, when my actions are graceful and unforced, when I am my most authentic self.

What are the clues?  The first clue is that it’s something that feels effortless when I am doing it. Every cell is plugged in, and resources I did not know I had are suddenly at my disposal. That doesn’t mean that I don’t study, or develop my skills in those areas.  I have and I do.  But when I am engaged in those activities, I seem to just flow with it.
It’s also something that is so much fun it doesn’t feel like work.  I can do it for hours, and would spend whatever time it takes to get it done to perfection.  These are areas in which I exercise great discipline. Somewhere I read that discipline means to be a disciple to one’s dream, and that is how I feel about my talents - that I was born to do them, and that my utilizing my talents is my contributions to the world.

When I have a piece to write, or an event to lead, I approach the preparation with tremendous respect.  I make sure I have the proper tools that are needed.  I give it time and quiet surroundings.  I set my intention for the work and the recipients of the work.  I lay the foundation to unleash my creativity with music, inspiring images, a candle and perhaps a cup of herbal tea.  It is a calling and I honor it with the deepest respect.

When you find what you are best at, the gates of heaven open up, because your work becomes heaven on earth.  Imagine being able to support yourself, amuse yourself, bring joy to others and benefit mankind from your innate talent.  Most people spend a lifetime not finding that, trapped in jobs they either tolerate or outright hate just to draw a paycheck.  For others, it is the dream deferred because they never found a way to make good on their talents.

Doing what you are best at ramps up your self-image because you excel at it and it shows.  My friend Nancy’s daughter calls self-esteem her “self of steam” and I think she’s right.  I think you have to get a full head of steam up, pure energy, in order to propel your life’s engine to its optimal speed. And what better fuel can there be to run your life than your own natural abilities?

Don’t worry that your talent may not be as great as someone else’s. Each of us has unique and valuable gifts.    Even if all you’re good at is telling jokes, think of how healing (and rewarding) laughter can be.  Just ask Steve Harvey, Chris Rock and Jay Leno.  If you follow your muse, authentically and easily, it will lead you to unexpected places, unimagined fulfillment and maybe even untold riches.

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The Differences Between a Man and Woman’s Perspective on Happiness

Monday, October 19th, 2009

By Kathy Caprino, M.A.

“9 out of 10 women studied are experiencing at least one of the 12 crises working women face today, and over half don’t know what to do about it.  On average, working women are experiencing three crises at the same time.”

These 12 emotionally-devastating crises stand in the way of happiness, are not the same for women as for men.  If “happiness” is an experience of living well, liking yourself and what you’re doing, feeling excitement, joy and fulfillment during many of the days of your life, and feeling “in the flow,” the truth is this: the 12 hidden crises are preventing women from achieving happiness, and it won’t get better unless women take strong and focused action.

As one who works with women all day every day, and as a woman, mother, and high-level professional myself, I have very solid views on what women think and experience in terms of happiness. 

Women’s definition of happiness and their challenges in achieving happiness, are very different from men’s.

Here are some key differences between men and women’s experience of happiness:

1) Work-Life Balance – The Number One Crisis for Women, Not for Men

Women need to experience a sense of balance between their professional and personal identities to feel happy.  Because so many women work both inside the home and outside of it, these two colliding roles (and yes, they crash together powerfully in women more so then men) – and doing them well with a feeling of empowerment — are vitally important to women’s sense of success and happiness.

In Marcus Buckingham’s stimulating column on the Huffington Post about Women’s Happiness, he talks about women believing that there’s no such thing as balance anymore.  He writes that, according to the women he interviewed, “They didn’t talk about balance much at all. They seemed to realize that not only was a perfect equilibrium nigh on impossible to achieve, but also that even if they did manage to achieve it, it wouldn’t necessarily fulfill them anyway–when you are balanced, you are stationary, holding your breath, trying not to let any sudden twitch or jerk pull you too far one way or the other. You are at a standstill. Balance is the wrong life goal. “

I, and the women I speak with, see it very differently.  Women are struggling and deeply longing for balance, in ways men can’t relate to.  Why?  Because women are still shouldering the majority of domestic responsibility, including child and elder care, while holding down jobs.  They are handling much more of the work inside the home, and they are connected viscerally and emotionally to their success (and perfectionism) as caregiver in different ways than men are. 

Women feel more angst and guilt about what they are doing or not doing.  Women are chronic “overfunctioners” – and men are not.  They beat themselves up for what they are not doing well enough, and for focusing on themselves and their careers rather than their family life.  Why is this? I believe it’s about cultural training, expectations, role modeling, and a bit about hardwiring when it comes to women’s emotions, brain functioning, values, needs, and instincts around caring for their children.

Balance for women doesn’t mean inertia – it means knowing what you love, doing it, and not eating yourself alive with guilt about what you are aren’t accomplishing when you’re focus on one thing (work), not the other (family) and vice versa. 

Lack of balance is the most severe crisis of the 12 hidden crises women are facing.  The balance women striving for is not “a pie in the sky” dream – it’s an essential component of a happy life – a sense of empowered equilibrium in which women are standing strong and stable on equal footing, giving priority to what they care about and love, without falling apart in the process.  If women have given up on that, then they’ll fail at being happy.

2) “White Male Competitive Career” Model Is Breaking Women

Further, at the risk of alienating some of my male readers, as a women’s advocate I must state this well-researched phenomenon - women’s inability to achieve balance is made more challenging by the existing “white male competitive career model” in place today in corporate America. 

Basically, the model has been constructed with underlying assumptions that successful professionals must adhere to the following rules: 1) follow a linear career path (no off-ramping and on-ramping), 2) focus on “full time” and “face time”, 3) commit most intensively to their career development in their 30s and 40s (when many women are having babies), and 4) feel motivated best and most by power and money.

These are generalizations, yes, but overall, there is strong evidence that the male competitive career model in American today is a complete misfit and damaging for women, and it needs to be shifted to embrace and honor women’s needs and values (click here for suggested employer initiatives that will address this ill-fitted model for women). 

What can women do to address these crises, and experience more happiness?

This is not a quick fix – it’s a breakthrough process that takes time, energy, and commitment, but it works.  When women take the following actions, they experience more happiness and fulfillment in their lives and work:

1) Grow stronger in identifying what really matters to you, uniquely and specifically

2) Tune out what others tell you (men and women) about how to live your life – be your own expert on your happiness.  Trust yourself.

3) Honor your values and needs from an empowered stance at work and at home – step up and take charge of yourself. Stop making excuses.

4) Evaluate your family situation realistically. Ask for (demand, if necessary) a more fair distribution of the domestic responsibility.

5) Stop overfunctioning and let go of perfectionism – focus hard on want you care about deeply, and let go of perfectionism in what you don’t care as much about.

6) Speak up and take action to bring about shifts at home and at your place of work and in the existing career model, so that they embrace and honor your needs and values

7) Identify what your “ideal” life looks and feels like. Get empowered outside help to create a success action plan, with concrete goals and outcomes, to achieve your life visions.

Say Yes! to your happiness.  You can do it!

There are 11 more crises women face today that men do not experience in the same way as women.  Crises for women are characterized by “I can’t do this” thinking –  a negative mantra that keeps them sad, sick and stuck.  While men experience some of these same crises, women internalize and process them differently, and each of these crises prevents women’s happiness. 

Here is a sampling of the 12 hidden crises of women today:

- Suffering from chronic health problems    
Failing health—a chronic illness or ailment—that won’t respond to treatment 

The mantra: “I can’t resolve my health problems.”
  
-  Losing your “voice”   
Contending with a crippling inability to speak up—unable to be an advocate for yourself or others, for fear of criticism, rejection, or punishment
 
The mantra: “I can’t speak up without being punished.”

- Facing abuse or mistreatment    
Being treated badly, even intolerably, at work—and choosing to stay

The mantra: “I can’t stop this cycle of mistreatment.”

- Feeling trapped by financial fears      
Remaining in a negative situation solely because of money

The mantra: “I can’t get out of this financial trap.”

- Wasting your real talents  
Realizing your work no longer fits and desperately wanting to use your natural talents and abilities

The mantra: “I can’t use my real talents.”

- Doing work you hate
Longing to reconnect with the “real you”—and do work you love

The mantra: “I can’t do work that I love.”

Be Your Own Happiness Expert - Take My Breakthrough Challenge!

Please take my challenge this month - Ask yourself, then 10 women and 10 men you know the following questions:

1) How do you define “happiness?” 
2) Are you experiencing happiness, by and large?
3) If not, what gets in the way?
4) If you are experiencing happiness on a regular basis, how do you achieve it?

Compare the answers between men and women, and let me know what you learn.

Key questions for the week – What do YOU think are the differences between men’s and women’s views and experiences of happiness?  How are men and women different in achieving happiness as they define it, and what does that difference mean to you?  Finally, how can women achieve more happiness in their lives? 

Please share your views!  A diverse, open, and constructive dialogue is the first step to breakthrough.

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Opening to the Power of Yoga

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

Jodi Delaney is the founder of Yatra Yoga International.  She will be blogging on mind and body wellness with Nell.

A lot of people ask me how I do it: raise a family, manage multiple projects including my own business, and still enjoy life.  I usually respond with a blithe “I’m insane.” But the truth is: discovering yoga five years ago has changed me.  And while, like most women, my plate is completely full every day, I have learned how to access a part of myself that I first found on the yoga mat.  And finding that has brought more clarity and joy to my life than I could have ever imagined.

I was in a class at the local community center, bored out of my skull, complaining in my head about the teacher, who I thought just talked too much.  I’d been practicing for a few months, loving the asanas and feeling physically great after every class.  So I was annoyed at this teacher, and impatient for the flow to begin.

The theme of that class, she explained, was opening the heart.  She went on to describe the different heart-opening poses we’d learn, and warned that for some people, it could bring up emotions, for others maybe not.  The New Yorker in me was thinking, “Yadda yadda… Can we move on here?”

We started moving, some simple vinyasas, and then a series of poses I’d never done, arches and backbends that lifted and exposed the heart, alternating with rest – child poses with forehead to the mat, known to still the clamor of the mind.

And then it happened.

Tears started flowing.  And flowing.  There was nothing particular in my thoughts, and I can’t say that I felt sadness necessarily, but something was releasing, from deep inside, and the tears were literally flying out of my eyes.   Nose running, mat soaked with tears, I walked out to find a tissue, not understanding what I was feeling or why the tears would not stop.  It continued through the final meditation, and I was speechless afterward.

That was the day I truly understood that yoga is bigger than me.  And I committed to practicing and learning as much as I could about it.

A year or so later, I followed another teacher to a seven day yoga retreat in Costa Rica.  I’d continued my practice all right, but I had a fairly stressful job and was only able to get myself to class a couple of times a week.   A retreat seemed like a great opportunity to deepen my practice, and experience something new.  That miraculous seven days, the first time I’d ever truly left daily stresses behind and dove into myself , gave me a newfound strength and power that I then brought home to my family, my relationships, and my work.  In fact, it inspired me to start my own business, where I now have the honor and pleasure of offering yoga retreats to others.

Yatra Yoga International is now in its second season, offering retreats with some of the finest teachers in the country, to clients worldwide.  We are growing, and learning, and loving the opportunity to share the power of yoga with those who are open to receiving it.  And when I find myself stressing over things that I can’t control, I remember that revealing moment on the mat: a moment that helped put all things in perspective, and opened my heart to a journey of joy and fulfillment.

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Are You Having “Palate Fatigue?”

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

Yesterday, I met with a new friend, JoAnn LoGiurato, Founder of Dancing on Grapes (http://www.dancingongrapes.com), who delivers empowering, educational (and totally fun!) programs and events designed to educate and empower women in their knowledge and experiences of wine.

 

We were discussing something wine-enthusiasts call “palate fatigue” – which describes an experience of being saturated with one taste, when all of sudden all wines begins to taste the same.  Reportedly, researchers believe it’s your brain, not your palate, that’s growing weary, and it’s time to take break from the repeated experience.

 

I realized the minute Jo mentioned “palate fatigue” that I’ve experienced this many times throughout my life — not with wine, but with many aspects of my full life experience, including jobs, relationships, dilemmas, perspectives, illnesses, and more.  There are times I’ve woken up and said, “That’s it!  I’ve had enough of this.  It’s all feeling the same, and I long for something different, something fresh, something more.”

 

In fact, I’m going through palate fatigue today – I’ve awakened to a feeling of “sameness” in my work and my focus that needs to be shifted.  While I know that my coaching helps people achieve breakthrough and move towards their compelling life visions, truth be told, I’m fatigued (and didn’t really know it until now) from suppressing other dimensions of who I am and what I care deeply about– the spiritual dimension. 

 

I realized (as if awaking from a dream) that to feel completely alive and authentic for me today means to take a break from how I’m living and working, and becoming more open with my commitment to helping people chart their lives using their own spiritual guidance and intuition.  I have never resonated with coaches, consultants, healers, and other service providers who claim to know better than the client – I prefer instead a more open approach that acknowledges the power of the individual to tap into their own wisdom and become the true expert of their lives.  Helping clients finally hear and follow their own internal, spiritual guidance is the fresh experience I’m longing for.  In this way, individuals can become their own highest authority for their lifetime, which paves the way for true passion power, and purpose in life and work.

 

So, I’m trying this new direction and it’s wonderful! – I’m offering new programs that enliven and connect to the spirit, and folks want it.  Finally, a new experience to taste and sink my teeth into!

 

Are you experiencing palate fatigue, saturated with one dimension of your life today that makes you long for something different, something more?

 

If so, change up your menu of experiences.  Take a break from the repetition of your life as it has been.  Rest, restore, and rejuvenate.  Then, bring in a new dimension of yourself or new experience to drink in – something bolder, fresher, more alive – something that reflects who you are today – out loud and confidently — not what you were in the past.

 

Ask yourself, “What have I grown saturated and fatigued with these days, and what shall I do about it?”

 

Here’s to palate invigoration!

 

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Breakthrough Can Come with One Simple Question

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Last night, I went to a very stimulating workshop called “Write Yourself Free” in CT, offered by The Editing Company, and held by two wonderful and empowering writing coaches/teachers, Susie Horgan and Patrick McCord.  The program was designed to help aspiring and published writers overcome their fears and blocks, and make movement in their work, bringing forward their gifts and talents into the world in a bigger way than ever before.  As a breakthrough coach and an author myself, I brought to the workshop an open mind, keen interest, and great enthusiasm, but not much hope that I’d have a breakthrough.  How wrong I was!

 

 

I experienced a huge shift in those two short hours, one that opened me up to new realizations that truly rocked me (in a good way).  Through the exercises of writing and reading to a stranger what I’d created, I learned this about myself – even though I’ve undergone the extreme rigor of researching and writing a self-help book for women (and by most accounts a good one), and have had it published by a very reputable publishing firm, my heart beats fast and furiously (and my knees knock together loudly) at the thought of my next project I’m longing to write – a powerful screenplay about a spiritual occurrence that flips the main character’s world upside, and changes her and her family’s life forever.

 

Why does the idea of moving forward on this particular project make my fingers turn cold and my chest throb?  Because for me, that’s as real as it gets.  The story is autobiographical – it’s raw, authentic, and revealing.  It’s about the true me – not the image I may project to others.  It’s very scary to let the “real” you out in this world that’s all about image, posturing, and control.  I realized too that I’m intensely concerned with being “credible” and to be deemed credible, I go to amazing lengths to prove that I’m a studied expert in any given topic I’m covering.  But needing always to feel credible is a futile and wasteful exercise – sometimes it’s enough to just “be” instead.

 

I made a commitment last night – to myself, to the group, and to my new writing partner – that I will write 15 minutes a day on my screenplay.  That’s all – 15 wee little minutes.  Not a lofty goal by any stretch, but a monumental one for me.  The mere promise of 15 minutes sets new worlds into motion, and releases blocks that have kept me for years from focusing on what I truly want to - living and connecting to your true spirit in life and work.

 

So I’d love to offer you this challenge today – ask yourself this: “What are you deeply longing to do, but are absolutely terrified of trying?  What one project do you fantasize about taking on, but it makes your knees knock together in fear, because it’s as real and revealing as it gets for you?”

 

It’s in this question that you’ll find some nugget of the truth that’s waiting to be told about your life; some aspect of breakthrough in you that’s longing to emerge so that you can finally get on with the life you’re meant to be leading, not someone else’s.

 

I hope that you’ll share answers to your breakthrough questions here.  We’ll all learn from you, because basically we all fear the same thing.  Can you guess what that is?

 

What’s your breakthrough waiting to happen?

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Is Striving to be Superwoman Getting Old?

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

I’ve spent a good number of years researching the crises of working women today, and how we can overcome them.  In the process I’ve learned so much about what it means to craft a rewarding, fulfilling professional and personal life on your own terms. 

 

One fascinating trend I’ve observed in working women is something I call “overfunctioning” (a helpful concept I learned in my training as a marriage and family therapist).  Overfunctioning is doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, more than is appropriate – for everyone around you at work and at home.  (For more on this tendency in women, see pages 180-1 of my book Breakdown, Breakthrough.)

   

Why do we overfunction, and how can we step out the cycle, to reclaim our energy and our lives?

 

Please check out this recent great blog post, “How to Be a Super Woman Without Being Superwoman” on WorkIt, Mom! for more on overcoming our Superwoman tendencies.  It ain’t easy, but it’s definitely worth the effort to shed the cape and give it a rest.

 

Here’s to functioning that’s just right!

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The Power of Community for Women

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

In the past several months, I’ve facilitated numerous seminars in CT and NYC on the Keys to Transforming Work-Life Challenge into Breakthrough, and each time the seminars are given, something very powerful occurs. 

 

The groups of women who’ve attended – from 8 to 50 per gathering– not only found a unique forum in which to openly share and explore their situations, but many are moved immediately afterwards to make dramatic changes in their lives — to take steps they’d dream of for months (even years), and also offer help to the other women who had attended.

 

I see this phenomenon frequently – women may feel completely stuck and alone (“broken down” as I call it) in their problems, but when they make the commitment to take a small step to help themselves – for instance, to attend a seminar, reach out to a mentor, or become “teachable” about what they could do differently to create movement in their lives – everything shifts.

 

Further, many women who choose to embark on the work necessary to create breakthrough in their own lives find themselves compelled to help others do the same.  Coming together in groups and communities (like M3!) – whether it’s for support, networking, or learning – unleashes beautiful longings and visions in women.  Community, authentic sharing and being open to learning are the keys to growth.

 

If you’re longing for breakthrough in your life, take a step today.  Find a new group to participate in – a networking group, a class, a seminar, whatever appeals – or express yourself openly in the communities you already belong (like this one, for instance!), and bring your open heart and your beginner’s mind to the experience.  A positive and powerful shift for you will occur there, if you embrace the possibility.

 

If you’ve dabbled with the idea of creating your own community group, I hope you’ll consider it, then take action.  If you long to do it, you’re meant to do it.  (Feel free to write me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com for help in starting your own Women’s Breakthrough Group!). If the inner coach in you dreams of moving forward, there’s no better time.

 

Please take the step now – offer your own powerful voice to your communities of women who are ready to create breakthrough in their lives and work today.

 

Wishing you many happy breakthroughs!

 

 

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